So here it is, the day we’ve all been waiting for. Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal has arrived and you’ve been at the center of every grounding-breaking step.
You are so worth it!
Three weeks ago I sequestered myself away, saw no one, wore the same stinky sweats and lived with uncombed bedhead for three days. My purpose was to reach out to 100 People of Influence with hand written notes asking if they’d be interested in hearing about our stories of pain, resiliency of character and hope. The intimate deception that’s happening in our homes, pews, and workplaces needs a voice; it needs to be taken seriously, and stopped.
I can’t believe I had the courage to reach out to these incredible folks. They are brave people, influencers in their own right, sages, warriors, and heroes of change.
At first my own “nagging neggies” started to grumble. And then I froze with pen in hand as I thought,
“Who do you think you are to ask this of them?”
“How would they respond if they could see you now?”
“Why am I appealing into the wee hours of the ‘morn?”
Truly, it’s because of you. I’ve heard your heartbreaking stories. And as you know, I have my own. It paines my heart to see what’s happening to you, your families and those you love. In the quietness of the night, you mattered.
We need their help. We need them to understand how intimate sexual deception is deeply affecting us.
I also wanted to show you what’s been happening behind the scenes, on your behalf.
Thousands of hours have been devoted by people who have read your stories as I penned them in the book. Numerous hands have touched and edited each page. Artists have spent countless hours creating pictures, textures and words that would get the attention of anyone who will listen. And hours were spent packaging up these 100 books to send with a clear appeal for collaboration and support.
I thought you would enjoy a few pictures of the hands of those at Revell that worked to create this mass mailer. I also wanted you to see emailed photos and texted pictures from the Influencers that got the books and are generously signing up to spread the word.
Will you pray this book gets into the hands of those who need it?
When you read the book, if you like what’s in it will you please share it with others you know and love?
Thank you for standing for what’s right and for being brave.
Brave On!
Dr. Sheri
I am having a very difficult time in my marriage, I’m a strong willed person and keep trying to put a fight to make our marriage work. But one little disappointment or flash memory and I go into a downward spiral and just want the torment to end, and just end our relationship. My husband has always had an issue with porn, at times he would try to work on it, others he would be very open about it. He has had two affairs , one of them was for a few months and he was emotionally involved then decided to end it to save our marriage. That is the only step he took, I hardly see any effort from him towards making us better. We have four young kids and I feel it is mostly for them why we are still together.I want to get past things and work, but I’m exhausted in trying to do it what feels like mostly on my own.
Thanks for reaching out and sharing your situation with us Andrea. It sounds like you’re looking for more evidence of change in addition to him ending his second affair. You’ve got 4 children and I’m sure neither one of you want to go through the pain of all this again. Because you’re not alone in your feelings and situation, I decided to write a BLOG to respond to your question, as it’s a very real and common concern. Check out my latest blog “We Need Serious Elbow Grease.”
I found you through a 7-day Bible-reading plan. I read all 7 days worth of advice at once because the need to understand what I should do is urgent. I pray every day for God to tell me what to do. The issue with my husband is pornography. The problem is, he denies he looks at it, even when I show him the evidence. To this day he swears he was pulling up those websites to see if I was checking on him. How can I move forward and trust him when I feel in my gut he HAS to be lying? I have literally begged him, sobbing, to please tell me the truth and take this burden off me. It was at that point that he came up with the story of accessing the site on purpose to see if I would say anything. This whole experience is very new. I have only known about it for about a month. He gets angry when I mention it and he always tries to turn the argument around so that I’m the one who is doing something wrong. It’s infuriating, and I literally feel crushed and stupified by it all. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if God wants me to stay here and forgive or if I’m justified and right about wanting to leave. I literally can’t think about anything else right now. I just ordered your new book and I can’t wait to get my hands on it. Thank you for everything you are putting out there and for putting God in the middle of it.
Thank you for reaching out in light of your husband’s continued lying about his porn use. First off, I want to point you to a chapter in my book “Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal.” The chapter is called “Gaslighting, Deception, and Blame…Oh My!” There are some very practical tools in that chapter to empower you to hold onto yourself, what you saw and what you know. Second, as I wrote the response to your question I realized that so many other women can relate and are in your shoes. So I decided to share my response with everyone and wrote the May Brave One Blog “Gaslighting: 3 Coconuts and a Red Ball” with your situation in mind. Thank you for bravely asking your question as so many of us can relate.
I have made the decision to finally leave my husband, after 32 years of marriage. He has sex addiction, pays for sex often. For more than 20 years now. I wanted to believe he will change, he doesn’t want to go to therapy, I’ve been going to therapy almost for a year now. Specifically for sexual betrayal trauma. It has been a long process and a lot of time on my part. He doesn’t even want to read the books I bring.
Every time he said I can do it on my own. I told him no more relapses under my watch, and he did, and I’m still here. It’s very difficult to leave. I am working on that, finding the strength I need to leave.
I haven’t read you book yet.
I will buy it tomorrow and I will start reading soon.
Hi Mary,
I’m so glad you shared your heart and I’m devastated for all you’ve been through. As I read your words and heard your painful history, 32 years, living with a sex addict who’s not interested in changing, I hear strength in your words. I also hear disappointment that he’s not willing to do what you’ve hoped he would do. Yet, your strength is on the right path. I just spoke with a woman in my BraveOne Community today who is right where you are. I asked her “what are you afraid of?” What does the thought of leaving bring up in you Mary? I’m grateful that you’re in the hands of a good counselor. I’m honored that you’ll be reading my book. I’m hopeful that maybe, just maybe, I might have a chance to meet you in my BraveOne Community. I know there are other women who completely understand right where you’re at and can help you courageously walk this out. If you’re interested in learning more go to braveone.com I’d love to have you join me.
Big hugs to you.
Warmly,
Dr. Sheri